My Journey From Religion To Spirituality Part 2:

CONFUSIONMENT

My decision to join church was met with mixed reactions. Some shocking. Some hurtful. Some good and some down right confusing.
Confusionment:
Me being the creative guy that I am I sometimes invent words that come from a weird sense of humor I can display at times.
The word confusionment is a word I came up with when I hear certain preachers speak on things that I know the audience either openly don’t understand or are so far fetched that it’s almost comical.
I not only use confusionment in the context of church I can apply it to any other part of life.
For instance, before my wife and I got separated our arguments could be about things that I thought were so petty I would complain about the utter confusionment I had to deal with.
The issue can be about the kids but somehow it would detour to a subject of me questioning her decision making as a parent. Example: If we have a child that got disrespectful to a teacher at school and was suspended, I want to deal with the child being disrespectful while she’s angry with the teacher for sending the child home. Both can be valid arguments. However things work better when one issue is tackled at a time.
I know you’re mad at the teacher for sending the child home but don’t you think we should deal with the child calling her a bitch first?
This is confusionment… And no. I never questioned my wife’s ability to deal with our children. I think she’s a great mom but signals can definitely be crossed at times.
Back to the subject at hand.
I was invited to participate in a cousin’s wedding ceremony. Her soon to be husband had a younger sister that from what I was told wouldn’t be a part of the wedding unless I was her partner.
When I heard this it was flattering and surprising at the same time.
I had never met this young lady to my knowledge and wondered where and how she knew me.
From what I was told, she saw me when I attended another wedding reception and wanted to meet me then but our paths never crossed.
Anyway, I agreed to participate. The wedding rehearsal is where me and the young lady first met.
She was definitely attractive. Actually beautiful beyond belief!!! We were both very young. She was a little younger than I which may have explained our initial shyness towards each other at the rehearsal but at the wedding reception the next day, when there was no pressures of the wedding we opened up to each other.
We exchanged phone numbers and spent hours on the phone in the weeks after and then her invitation to church came.
After a few weeks of going to church, I felt love and closeness from people I never felt before. The people were nice and welcoming, I felt comfortable and enjoyed the services.
I definitely liked the praise and testimony part of the service where songs were sung and after the songs, people would share their testimonies and give thanks to God.
I loved it. It seemed only natural for me that after a month or so to join.
The Pastor “Opened the doors of the church” which was a small ceremony at the end of the service and invited me to join.
It was actually an open invitation to anyone but I was the only person who came forward and took a seat.
Taking a seat in front of the church when the pastor “Opens the doors to the church”, seemed like a ritual that symbolized coming in to a new family so to speak.
After it was over, most of the members hugged and congratulated me.
I felt so good about what I had done but my positive vibe and good feelings were kinda short lived.
Shortly after service, almost in the midst of people celebrating with me for joining, my cousin, the one who invited me in her wedding, approached me with a not so happy look on her face.
Apparently she felt me joining the church was more of an act to impress the girl rather than taking steps to save my soul.
I was definitely offended.
It felt like I had to defend a decision that was no business of hers in the first place.
Secondly, if she had a problem with my intentions of joining the church, why not just ask me privately after the service was over.
I kinda felt ambushed. To me it wasn’t that big of a deal and completely spontaneous.
I didn’t see anything wrong with what I was doing.
Before that day, I didn’t even plan on joining. I actually thought that because I had already been coming every week that heck, I was a member already.
I didn’t think there had to be anything “official” about me joining but apparently there are small technicalities that had to be adhered to.
If I had a guess as to why, it would be for some type of tax purposes. Who knows.
In the back of my mind I’m thinking to myself, if she feels that this is the right path to God and the true way, why would she oppose me joining.
It didn’t make sense to me. This was a high level of confusionment.
When I got home after church, I told my mom about me joining. At the time her response seemed more of a matter of fact type thing.
She didn’t have much to say on it one way or the other but as the days went by, conversations I didn’t know about began to take place between my mom and cousin.
Maybe my cousin felt she had some type of responsibility to tell my mom about what was going on.
Had something happened or went wrong at church, or between me and the girl I liked, her being my initial connection to the church may somehow fall back on her in a negative way.
I definitely get that but I also feel their is a way to deal with certain situations and this was very questionable in my opinion.
I do recognize that getting cozy with the pastor’s daughter could come with an array of misunderstandings but this was totally innocent.
My mom finally confronted me about joining church and that initial confrontation was definitely difficult.
Once again, I’m feeling ambushed and getting pissed.
I could be on a corner hustling dope, or out robbing and stealing but here I am defending myself on why I joined a church of all things.
Even if my attempt to join a church was to impress a girl, really is that the worst thing a 17 year old kid can do?
But for all parties involved that have intentionally been nameless, once and for all, my intent was to save my soul.
Although these events literally happend decades ago, for getting in my business and helping to create a rift between my mom and I that wasn’t there initially…………..
I’ll give you one last gesture of kissing my ass.lol
The lol is because it was so many years ago all those rifts have been mended through time and my mother, which I had epic encounters with on this subject is no longer with us.
The kiss my ass thing is just a joke.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Class of 1990 Grad Pic

Published by: Wet.Dirt

Greetings friends. My name is Torrey Jones AKA Wet.Dirt. I'm a writer, music producer, song writer, composer, rapper and a somewhat rookie blogger. I welcome you to my page. I love hip-hop, boxing, spirituality and other things that you will be seeing as we go on this journey together. At times Ill be all over the place for things I blog via writing or blog but also, I'm here as a support for people who are in there transition from leaving religion. I'm not here to push anyone in any direction but what I've experienced in my own journey that it could be a very lonely time in ones life. Hopefully I can provide encouragement, references, and maybe just someone to listen. Also, I definitely like to have fun. I love boxing. I'll be writing blogs on that from time to time. Hip-hop. I love rap. Ill be sharing my own music along with other artist I feel we all should know about. Then, Ill just be blabbering my thoughts from time to time in entries I call "My thoughts and S#!T I probably shouldn't say". All in all, I'm here to learn and help others learn and feel safe while reminding folks and myself to not take this thing called life so seriously. Peace and Love Folk!!!!

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